Content on this page requires a newer version of Adobe Flash Player.

Get Adobe Flash player

0

A RASTA – REGGAE TALE part 1 : meeting a pirate of the caribbean

INTRODUCTION …

I know what you’ll say ” i’ve already got this one ” but this tale goes hand in hand with PART 2 so as both are true tales so

both have to be read together and they are both a jolly good read ol’ bean …

THE DAY I MET A PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN …

Once upon a time not so long ago i was in the library one afternoon and i was on the computers and a young rasta guy came

up and spoke to me …

The rasta guy said : ” al’ right man its paris isn’t it do you remember me , you once told me all about oats and fruit and how

good they were for you ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” yeah man i recognize the face but remind me of your name again ” …

The rasta guy says : ” the names bob half jamaican man , after you told me about oats and fruit i went home for a while

and I told everyone in jamaica about oats and fruit and how good it was in the morning and you also said yoghurt and honey

was good for your stomach man do you still eat it ” …

Paris in a rasta accent replied : ” yeah thats right man and its bob like ” bob marley ” thats cool man , and no i don’t eat

oats and fruit man i nearly collapsed of exhaustion from not eating enough so i now eat steaks , pizzas , burgers and i started

drinking and smoking again to get some poison back in my body and man do i feel healthier for it , i feel so good eating

junk food man ” …

Bob marley said : ” oh no man you can’t live on junk food , i told everyone in jamaica paris lives on fruit and oats and he’s

really fit and healthy on it , now everyone eats oats and fruit in jamaica and guess what one day i when i was at home we

found a shipwreck on the sand so we went and had a look on board and guess what we found – oats and fruit – so we took

all the crates and put them under a pineapple tree for safe keeping , so you can’t live on junk food man wait until i tell them

in jamaica they ‘ll have coconuts falling on their heads cos the trees will be in shock ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” well i had no choice man i was ill so eating junk food was the only answer and man i feel

alive and fitter than i ever did and so i’m meeting a real pirate of the caribbean , you know they call me ” braveheart ”

amongst many names but these days its ” captain jack sparrow ” and thats official ” …

Bob marley says : ” yeah man i heard someone say you look like jack sparrow , when i was in jamaica i told them this guy

paris looks like ” braveheart ” you have to meet him , but next time i’ll tell them he looks like ” jack sparrow ” on pizzas and

burgers and not oats and fruit ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” so now you’ve hijacked a ship for oats and fruit you have to be called ” long john silver and

robinson crusoe ” so what do you do for breakfast on your treasure island , you must sit under pineapple trees listening to ”

legend by bob marley ” , eating oats and fruit and then wash it down with malibu ” …

Bob marley replies : ” no man we don’t listen to legend by bob marley , we listen to real reggae from the roots like

” UB40 ” and ” chrissie hynde ” doing a duet with ” i’ve got you babe ” and we don’t drink ” malibu ” thats a white

man drink ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” be careful with the white man comments cos thats racial aggresive behaviour to the ol’ bill

today and on the label ” malibu ” apparently is a taste of the caribbean , i thought you’d have a few glasses and limbo in the

sun to legend after breakfast ” …

Bob marley says : ” no man we listen to real roots reggae , drink real jamaican rum from coconut shells with real coconut

in them and then we light a fire and do some real limbo and shaking of the tush ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” so when you’ve finished shaking your tush in the hot sun you must wanna cool down with

a nice cool can of ” lilt ” as its the ” totally tropical taste ” as its got real caribbean pineapple and grapefruit juice in it and

then you must watch ” desmonds ” about a caribbean hairdressing family living in peckham in south east london pretty near

to where ” del boy ” and ” only fools and horses ” are living in ” nelson mandela ” house in peckham rye me ol’ china ” …

Bob marley replies : ” no man thats for the white man , he drinks this when he comes to jamaica over the rocks as they

say , no man we drink real fruit juice freshly squeezed from the tree and pour it over our oats and fruit cos you told us its

pukker as you call it in london and no man we don’t sit on the beach in the evening watching ” desmonds ” and saying ”

porkpie’s ” catchphrase of ” yeah man ” every five minutes ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” thats right i did say it was pukker and lets put it this way after all that limbo and dancing

you must get hungry so i guess you must like eating a bar of ” bounty ” you know to raise your sugar levels after all that

grinding and shaking cos ” bounty ” says on the wrapper – as sweet as the caribbean itself and wrapped in cool milk

chocolate ” …

Bob marley replies : ” no man we don’t eat ” bounty ” thats what white people eat when they come to jamaica , they come

over for 2 weeks get sunburnt and blistered , wear a hanky on their head to protect their bald spot and receeding hairline ,

they sport a pair of bermudas and white ankle socks and status quo trainers and then they get out their cd player with

” legend ” on it whilst smoking a chilum wrapped in a king size rizla and a crushed JPS with mary juna as ” the rolling

stones ” call it from their local council estate ” …

” And when their thirst needs quenching they drink the most famous white man drink in the caribbean namely ” malibu

with lilt ” over the rocks and then they pig out on a ” bounty ” for an afternoon snack when they get the munchies and

then they fall asleep and find they’ve been pickpocketed when they’ve woken up , ha , ha ” …

Paris in a rasta accent says : ” be careful with those white man attitudes man the ol’ bill really don’t like racial aggressive

behaviour ” …

Bob marley says : ” everyones a white man to us in jamaica unless you got roots and dreadlocks yer know what i mean man

and paris i’m gonna have to go cos all this talking about junk foods causing me dreadlocks to fall out , i’ve been growing that

for 15 years man its in shock , i gotta go before the rest come out ” …

Paris in a rasta accent replies : ” yeah man you’d better cos as much as shaving your loaf o’ bread might be all the rage

and fashion i’ve yet to see a bald rasta , ha , ha and no i’m not going to do a ” johnathon ross ” and do what he did to

” ronnie wood ” by asking him if his ” barnet fairs ” real cos everybody does that to poor ol’ ronnie ” …

Bob marley says : ” paris man i gotta go before they fall out i’ll see yer later man ” …

Paris in a rasta accent replies : ” yeah man go easy buffalo soldier and i’ll sing a bit of ” one love ” for you to make sure

you get home in one piece bruvver ” …

And with that ” bob marley ” left a trail of dreadlocks quivering and shaking on the ground at hearing the words ” junk food”

as he limboed out of the door …

AND THEY ALL SHAKED THEIR TUSH HAPPILY EVER AFTER …

(null)

About the Author

Leave a Reply




If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a Gravatar.